just me

so yeah i haven't written in ages even thought i said i would :/ sorry about that!
whats been happening? not much really i'm still in hospital which sucks. i miss my amazing friends. i'm still on constant. and i feel like i've let everyone down. wow i love my life

update

meh sorry i haven't written in agessssssssssss... i don't really have a reason why
so heres the update
i'm back in hospital at this new place and am on constant 1 to 1 because i'm not "keeping myself safe" for heavens sake! and they barely let me do any excercise oor anyhting
and i've retty much made all my friends hate me as well cause i don't deserve good friends like them if i'm not going to be around much :(
so thats the update and i'll keep writing regulary

peace

x

i'm miles from where you are

april 16th here i come :)

finally my life will be mine again. i do what i want and no one can stop me :)

this week...

monday was awful

tuesday was good... i'm back on maintence. they thought i was waterloading so they wanted to spot weigh me and i refused

wednesday was fun, we painted eggs

thursday was sooooooo fun we made up a dance to valerie and did it in the street

friday was awful. i had to sit down for ages watching this stupid movie -_-

feeling pretty awful at the moment... wanting to do things i should not do. i read something i should not have read, and its out me down awfully.

i'm miles from where you are, i lay down on the cold ground

i pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms

peace

x

you know that feeling...

where you just feel abit rubbish, i'm having that at the moment :(

i wish i could just tell the stupid voice in my head to leave me alone. but i'm not strong enough. and i'm just tired. and i can't. and i feel like i never will be able to. and i just feel so rubbish that i'm past caring any more.

i'm tired of having to put on this mask every single day and act like i'm happy, because i'm not. i feel like all the time there is a massive weight on me that never lets go. my head is surronded by all these thoughts and i just want them to please just leave me alone

4 followers get in there :)

thank you to my four followers... it makes me happy to know that people follow my blog :)

so my week has been ok i guess.

monday was hmm. i went back to school again, and ha dno idea about any of the work but hey ho.

tuesday was good, i got to go to the gym, so i was happy

wednesday was fun i went to calshot and did snowboarding. i was rubbish but oh well. then i got to go to the gym again :)

thursday i got my period back!!! i can make babies now (not that i want to at this current moment in time)

friday was quite bad to start of with, everyone was having a go cause i lost a tiny bit of weight and i was like honestly its a tiny amount for heavens sake. then i went to my grandparents and went shopping, then i went to school. ICT was good :) then went out with tegannnnnnnnn and her dog rufus for a while

the weekend has been good, i went for a bike ride and a walk and shopping yesterday, and today i went for 2 walks and met up with erin :)

tomorrow i'm going to school again and they want me to go again on tuesday. i'm not. i mean like i heard today that a girl in the other half of my year was like " shes completly recovered" and then one of the teachers was liek " well she's put on weight at least" its like jeez thanks so now i feel so self consious that everyone thinks i look massive (which i do but i don't need other people to say that as well) and it's like just becaus ei've put on weight it doesn't mean i don't still get the thoughts! AHHHHHHHHHH

but oh well *calm*

anyway will write tomorrow maybe

"your dreams come true when you don't give up"

peace

x

the weekend

sorry for not blogging all weekend, but hey ho it just means i'll write an extra long one...

okay here goes

so my week has been happysadtestingdifficult as per usual.

Monday was okay i cried but oh well that usally happens at least once in a week... Tuesday was awesome, i went onto maintence and green for all snacks. Wednesday was really good. we did skibobbing which was so good :) then we went to laser quest! it was scary but fun... oh and on tuesday we wnet for a walk because it was an inset day at the school. thursday was so so. friday was very nervewracking. i went to school for the first time in 6 months so i was so scared. i went home early and had lunch and stuff then at 1:10 i was at school. then i wnet to matron and she registered me and stuff, then i went in to maths. It was so scary! i sat at the back, but when i walked in people were like looking at me. then i went back to matron then i went to ICT. oh dear it was so scary because this time everyone was looking at me. but it was okay because i sat next to my good friend Tegan and we did shopping. then afterwards someone was like "its good to see you back again" which i just thought was so lovely and no-one asked anything awkward or mentioned how much weight i'd put on which was good :)

the weekend has been okay. i went shopping on saturday. on sunday at breakfast my stap dad shouted at me which was quite scary but we just pretend it didn't happen. then i met up with erin which was very good :) tomrorow i have to go to school again and have snack there! oh its going to be awful and to make matters worse my old skirt didn't fit me properly (well it fit but was a bit tight) and i was upset but my dad was like its the right size for a ten year old! its not but bless him for trying to make me feel better. so i am going back tomorrow, which is scary but at least i'm walking there.

anyway a nice long post

"if something is not happening for you it doesn't mean it's never going to happen

it just means you're not ready for it yet"

peace

x

to tegan...

i miss you too...

i was bored and i thought "i know i'll make tegan a card"

miss you bgmtteotanoancegitwotlllllll hahahaha ( best girl mate till the end of time and no one and nothing could ever get in the way of that lol lol lol lol lol etc )


x