Monday, 29 March 2010

you know that feeling...

where you just feel abit rubbish, i'm having that at the moment :(

i wish i could just tell the stupid voice in my head to leave me alone. but i'm not strong enough. and i'm just tired. and i can't. and i feel like i never will be able to. and i just feel so rubbish that i'm past caring any more.

i'm tired of having to put on this mask every single day and act like i'm happy, because i'm not. i feel like all the time there is a massive weight on me that never lets go. my head is surronded by all these thoughts and i just want them to please just leave me alone

Sunday, 28 March 2010

4 followers get in there :)

thank you to my four followers... it makes me happy to know that people follow my blog :)
so my week has been ok i guess.
monday was hmm. i went back to school again, and ha dno idea about any of the work but hey ho.
tuesday was good, i got to go to the gym, so i was happy
wednesday was fun i went to calshot and did snowboarding. i was rubbish but oh well. then i got to go to the gym again :)
thursday i got my period back!!! i can make babies now (not that i want to at this current moment in time)
friday was quite bad to start of with, everyone was having a go cause i lost a tiny bit of weight and i was like honestly its a tiny amount for heavens sake. then i went to my grandparents and went shopping, then i went to school. ICT was good :) then went out with tegannnnnnnnn and her dog rufus for a while
the weekend has been good, i went for a bike ride and a walk and shopping yesterday, and today i went for 2 walks and met up with erin :)
tomorrow i'm going to school again and they want me to go again on tuesday. i'm not. i mean like i heard today that a girl in the other half of my year was like " shes completly recovered" and then one of the teachers was liek " well she's put on weight at least" its like jeez thanks so now i feel so self consious that everyone thinks i look massive (which i do but i don't need other people to say that as well) and it's like just becaus ei've put on weight it doesn't mean i don't still get the thoughts! AHHHHHHHHHH
but oh well *calm*
anyway will write tomorrow maybe
"your dreams come true when you don't give up"

Sunday, 21 March 2010

the weekend

sorry for not blogging all weekend, but hey ho it just means i'll write an extra long one...

okay here goes

so my week has been happysadtestingdifficult as per usual.

Monday was okay i cried but oh well that usally happens at least once in a week... Tuesday was awesome, i went onto maintence and green for all snacks. Wednesday was really good. we did skibobbing which was so good :) then we went to laser quest! it was scary but fun... oh and on tuesday we wnet for a walk because it was an inset day at the school. thursday was so so. friday was very nervewracking. i went to school for the first time in 6 months so i was so scared. i went home early and had lunch and stuff then at 1:10 i was at school. then i wnet to matron and she registered me and stuff, then i went in to maths. It was so scary! i sat at the back, but when i walked in people were like looking at me. then i went back to matron then i went to ICT. oh dear it was so scary because this time everyone was looking at me. but it was okay because i sat next to my good friend Tegan and we did shopping. then afterwards someone was like "its good to see you back again" which i just thought was so lovely and no-one asked anything awkward or mentioned how much weight i'd put on which was good :)
the weekend has been okay. i went shopping on saturday. on sunday at breakfast my stap dad shouted at me which was quite scary but we just pretend it didn't happen. then i met up with erin which was very good :) tomrorow i have to go to school again and have snack there! oh its going to be awful and to make matters worse my old skirt didn't fit me properly (well it fit but was a bit tight) and i was upset but my dad was like its the right size for a ten year old! its not but bless him for trying to make me feel better. so i am going back tomorrow, which is scary but at least i'm walking there.
anyway a nice long post
"if something is not happening for you it doesn't mean it's never going to happen
it just means you're not ready for it yet"



Saturday, 13 March 2010

to tegan...

i miss you too...

i was bored and i thought "i know i'll make tegan a card"

miss you bgmtteotanoancegitwotlllllll hahahaha ( best girl mate till the end of time and no one and nothing could ever get in the way of that lol lol lol lol lol etc )


wait for me

but i can't expect everyone else's lives to have paused just because mine has.

my week has been okay i guess... actually the first part was rubbish.

monday was just don'teven go there, as was tuesday. wednesday was looking up... thursday i got a discharge date!! april 16th! i cannot actually wait!
however i have to go back to school on friday which will be awful ¬¬
today i went shopping with erin which was good :) i got some glue and some new school shoes. but then i fought with my dad :( which i didn't like
tomorrow, i am meeting up with erin, seeing my grandparents and going to morrisons, which will all be good :)
anyway i'll leave you with my quote of the day
"it is much easier to give up then it is to hope"



Saturday, 6 March 2010

i'm only gonna let you kill me once

OMG diana vickers's new song is amazing! its called " once" and is awesome.
Anyway, yes... today so far i've:

- gone for a bike ride
- gone for a walk
- listened to "once" about 120 times

and later on i am going shopping, which will be fun, i need to get my mum a mothers day present, and i need to buy some hairbands. my life is just so interesting :)
so like
i'm going to go now
and post
when i have something interesting to say
" change your thoughts and you change your world"



Friday, 5 March 2010

the chain has been fixed :)

hi :) sorry about the random title, its cause my grandma got me a new chain for my locket, cause the chain broke and for the past week i've been feeling lost without it. but now its fixed yay!

anyway, my week has been good and bad. the bad things are:

in maths at school the i bought in my homework diary to show my teacher (whose also my tutor and is sorting out my reintergration to my home school) and we were deciding what lessons i'd go back for. so i choose periods 5 and 6 on a friday and she said that was fine but then she said for the next week a whole day!!! and i was liek no way i can't. so then we were talkign about it for ages and i just burst into tears which was highly embarrasing and we just stopped talking about it and she tried to cheer me up which was nice of her. i want to see my friends at school but i just can't see everyone else in my year and face them and try and catch up on all the work i've missed as well. so i'm kind of dreading it, but now i think its being sorted. so that kind of made me sad for the rest of the day, but the rest of the week was ok. i went to the gym :) and i got longer weekend leave so i can do more stuff at the weekend :)

so now i'm just youtubeing justin bieber cause he is an awesome singer and very good looking :)


" dreaming permits each and everyone of us to be quitely and safely insane every night of our lives"