just me

so yeah i haven't written in ages even thought i said i would :/ sorry about that!
whats been happening? not much really i'm still in hospital which sucks. i miss my amazing friends. i'm still on constant. and i feel like i've let everyone down. wow i love my life

update

meh sorry i haven't written in agessssssssssss... i don't really have a reason why
so heres the update
i'm back in hospital at this new place and am on constant 1 to 1 because i'm not "keeping myself safe" for heavens sake! and they barely let me do any excercise oor anyhting
and i've retty much made all my friends hate me as well cause i don't deserve good friends like them if i'm not going to be around much :(
so thats the update and i'll keep writing regulary

peace

x

i'm miles from where you are

april 16th here i come :)

finally my life will be mine again. i do what i want and no one can stop me :)

this week...

monday was awful

tuesday was good... i'm back on maintence. they thought i was waterloading so they wanted to spot weigh me and i refused

wednesday was fun, we painted eggs

thursday was sooooooo fun we made up a dance to valerie and did it in the street

friday was awful. i had to sit down for ages watching this stupid movie -_-

feeling pretty awful at the moment... wanting to do things i should not do. i read something i should not have read, and its out me down awfully.

i'm miles from where you are, i lay down on the cold ground

i pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms

peace

x

you know that feeling...

where you just feel abit rubbish, i'm having that at the moment :(

i wish i could just tell the stupid voice in my head to leave me alone. but i'm not strong enough. and i'm just tired. and i can't. and i feel like i never will be able to. and i just feel so rubbish that i'm past caring any more.

i'm tired of having to put on this mask every single day and act like i'm happy, because i'm not. i feel like all the time there is a massive weight on me that never lets go. my head is surronded by all these thoughts and i just want them to please just leave me alone

4 followers get in there :)

thank you to my four followers... it makes me happy to know that people follow my blog :)

so my week has been ok i guess.

monday was hmm. i went back to school again, and ha dno idea about any of the work but hey ho.

tuesday was good, i got to go to the gym, so i was happy

wednesday was fun i went to calshot and did snowboarding. i was rubbish but oh well. then i got to go to the gym again :)

thursday i got my period back!!! i can make babies now (not that i want to at this current moment in time)

friday was quite bad to start of with, everyone was having a go cause i lost a tiny bit of weight and i was like honestly its a tiny amount for heavens sake. then i went to my grandparents and went shopping, then i went to school. ICT was good :) then went out with tegannnnnnnnn and her dog rufus for a while

the weekend has been good, i went for a bike ride and a walk and shopping yesterday, and today i went for 2 walks and met up with erin :)

tomorrow i'm going to school again and they want me to go again on tuesday. i'm not. i mean like i heard today that a girl in the other half of my year was like " shes completly recovered" and then one of the teachers was liek " well she's put on weight at least" its like jeez thanks so now i feel so self consious that everyone thinks i look massive (which i do but i don't need other people to say that as well) and it's like just becaus ei've put on weight it doesn't mean i don't still get the thoughts! AHHHHHHHHHH

but oh well *calm*

anyway will write tomorrow maybe

"your dreams come true when you don't give up"

peace

x

the weekend

sorry for not blogging all weekend, but hey ho it just means i'll write an extra long one...

okay here goes

so my week has been happysadtestingdifficult as per usual.

Monday was okay i cried but oh well that usally happens at least once in a week... Tuesday was awesome, i went onto maintence and green for all snacks. Wednesday was really good. we did skibobbing which was so good :) then we went to laser quest! it was scary but fun... oh and on tuesday we wnet for a walk because it was an inset day at the school. thursday was so so. friday was very nervewracking. i went to school for the first time in 6 months so i was so scared. i went home early and had lunch and stuff then at 1:10 i was at school. then i wnet to matron and she registered me and stuff, then i went in to maths. It was so scary! i sat at the back, but when i walked in people were like looking at me. then i went back to matron then i went to ICT. oh dear it was so scary because this time everyone was looking at me. but it was okay because i sat next to my good friend Tegan and we did shopping. then afterwards someone was like "its good to see you back again" which i just thought was so lovely and no-one asked anything awkward or mentioned how much weight i'd put on which was good :)

the weekend has been okay. i went shopping on saturday. on sunday at breakfast my stap dad shouted at me which was quite scary but we just pretend it didn't happen. then i met up with erin which was very good :) tomrorow i have to go to school again and have snack there! oh its going to be awful and to make matters worse my old skirt didn't fit me properly (well it fit but was a bit tight) and i was upset but my dad was like its the right size for a ten year old! its not but bless him for trying to make me feel better. so i am going back tomorrow, which is scary but at least i'm walking there.

anyway a nice long post

"if something is not happening for you it doesn't mean it's never going to happen

it just means you're not ready for it yet"

peace

x

to tegan...

i miss you too...

i was bored and i thought "i know i'll make tegan a card"

miss you bgmtteotanoancegitwotlllllll hahahaha ( best girl mate till the end of time and no one and nothing could ever get in the way of that lol lol lol lol lol etc )


x

wait for me

but i can't expect everyone else's lives to have paused just because mine has.

my week has been okay i guess... actually the first part was rubbish.

monday was just don'teven go there, as was tuesday. wednesday was looking up... thursday i got a discharge date!! april 16th! i cannot actually wait!

however i have to go back to school on friday which will be awful ¬¬

today i went shopping with erin which was good :) i got some glue and some new school shoes. but then i fought with my dad :( which i didn't like

tomorrow, i am meeting up with erin, seeing my grandparents and going to morrisons, which will all be good :)

anyway i'll leave you with my quote of the day

"it is much easier to give up then it is to hope"

peace

x

i'm only gonna let you kill me once

OMG diana vickers's new song is amazing! its called " once" and is awesome.

Anyway, yes... today so far i've:

- gone for a bike ride

- gone for a walk

- listened to "once" about 120 times

and later on i am going shopping, which will be fun, i need to get my mum a mothers day present, and i need to buy some hairbands. my life is just so interesting :)

so like

yeah

i'm going to go now

and post

when i have something interesting to say

" change your thoughts and you change your world"

peace

x

the chain has been fixed :)

hi :) sorry about the random title, its cause my grandma got me a new chain for my locket, cause the chain broke and for the past week i've been feeling lost without it. but now its fixed yay!

anyway, my week has been good and bad. the bad things are:

in maths at school the i bought in my homework diary to show my teacher (whose also my tutor and is sorting out my reintergration to my home school) and we were deciding what lessons i'd go back for. so i choose periods 5 and 6 on a friday and she said that was fine but then she said for the next week a whole day!!! and i was liek no way i can't. so then we were talkign about it for ages and i just burst into tears which was highly embarrasing and we just stopped talking about it and she tried to cheer me up which was nice of her. i want to see my friends at school but i just can't see everyone else in my year and face them and try and catch up on all the work i've missed as well. so i'm kind of dreading it, but now i think its being sorted. so that kind of made me sad for the rest of the day, but the rest of the week was ok. i went to the gym :) and i got longer weekend leave so i can do more stuff at the weekend :)

so now i'm just youtubeing justin bieber cause he is an awesome singer and very good looking :)

anyway

" dreaming permits each and everyone of us to be quitely and safely insane every night of our lives"

peace

x

just filling in the title space...

hello there :) yes matey so yesterday i went shopping which was a pretty awesome expierence... i had so much fun and for the first time in quite a while i flet like evrything was back to normal. i swear i haven't laughed so much in quite a while. there was a baby in a pram that was crying so their mother tryed to prevent their tears by stuffing a pom bear in their mouth and me and one of my friends just stood there like literally wetting ourselves. good times. and then we spent ages trying to find the right glue for me (i am very rubbish at making decisions) and i got one that smells nice and is blue.

today i went for walkies, listened to "baby" numerous times on repeat, yeah my dad was like "please stop playing this song!" he had it in his head when he went running.

anyway i won't be writing again till next friday, so until then have a good week :)

just because you made a mistake it doesn't mean you are a mistake

peace

x

baby baby babyyyyyy

sorry about the name... i'm listening to justin bieber- baby. OMG i love that song...

anyway now that i've revealed the reason for that post name just thought i'd say 2 HOURS TILL SHOPPING AND SEEING MY FRIENDS :) :) sorry i'm just super dooper excited.

but yes i do actually have to buy stuff as well:

scrapbook
glue

and that's it. yes i'm making a scrapbook which shall be fun and will give me something to do when i'm bored (which does tend to happen at night as i have trouble sleeping) and can i just give some advice, just completly changing the subject, don't draw on your hand with berol pen becaus eit does not come off! i drew a peace sign on my hand and it hasn't come off! that was on thursday and since then i have had servral showers and it just does not want to come off, ah well

anyway sorry for the boring post

peace

x

home sweet home

ahh home again :) and another busy weekend... in a minute i'm walking to morrisons, then having a bike ride then meeting up with 2 of my friends for shopping :) i'm so excited to see them cause one of them i haven't seen for like...EVER and we've known each other since year 2 aned she makes me laugh so it shall be good :)

so this week had it's ups and downs, but every down part had a good part and every good part had its down part. for example on tuesday i didn't have to go to school but that was only because i was really upset about something, but hey ho

okay sos this weeks been okay i guess not my worst week but not my best week, agood point was that i went to an art gallery and made a hat out of wire, that was good. and the woman talking to us had like really n ice hair, it was blonde and awesome. i think i'd like florence and the machine's hair. its amazeeeeeee.

anyway if anyone cares, my favourite songs at the moment are:

jay sean - do you remeber

chris brown- crawl

biffy clyro- many of horror

cheryl cole- parachute

poor cheryl :( anyway i'll write later but at this current moment in time my bladder is saying hello so toodles

quote for the day:

"i believe in being strong when everything is going wrong"

peace

x

shopping

well today i went shopping which was really fun :D i met one of my friends and we went shopping for an hour. i bought a new arrowwords book, nineteen minutes, the lovely bones and a photo book. i went on this photo website where you get 20 free photos so i'm going to put them in the photo book and write all the memories i've had with the photos. i can't wait to make it. i'm really excited to make it :)

i also went for a bike ride which was really nice and it felt like summer. i love summer...

now i'm going to go make a collage of pictures of me and my friends for my computor background

"never say goodbye because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting"

peace

x

update of life :)

hello :)

so this is just a post about my week which suprisingly hasn't been too bad! it was half term so we went shopping in west quay and had to have lunch out! that was difficult. we went to marks and spencers to pick out stuff. i had a wrap so i didn't have to have crisps. once that wa sover with we wnet shopping for 2 hours! and the next day we went shopping as well. we also did extreme ironing where you pretend to do ironing in weird places... it was really fun.

and now i'm home :) so my plan for the weekend is: watch sleeping beauty on youtube tonight then tomorrow have breakfast, do supo, walk to morrisons, have snack, do supo, go on a bike ride, have lunch do supo, go shopping come back and later... PLAY MONOPOLY! my mums here so she got this around the world one with bank cards and everything! i love monopoly :D

so its going to be pretty busy this weekend which will be good cause i like being busy :)

i'll post again later on

my quote for the day that gets me through the tough times is:

"what cannot be avoided must be endured"

peace

x

names

some people might think i'm wierd but i love unusual names for my kids (yeah i'm sad i've already thought of names for them) so here are my names, see what you think:

yellow rose

ophelia theresa

tiger lilly

elijiah river

michael jackson

cassian indigo

*sigh* i just love those names, and i want to give thme middle names as well, cause i don't have a middle name :( oh well, if i did have a middle name it would be rose cause that is my favourite name

anyway i'll leave you once again with my favourite quote of the day

i believe in being strong when everything is going wrong

peace

x

night has fallen...

night has arrived and i still can't sleep! i mean at 8 i was ready to go to bed and now that i'm in bed i can't sleep! thats just beyond riducuolous, i get so tired during the day and then i can't sleep at night! just realised i've slightly overdone it on the exclamation marks, oops.

anyway, that was kind of random, so let me think of something actually intresting to write...

i really want to go see the film "the lovely bones" it looks really good and the girl who plays bryony in atonement is in it as well. however, it does seem kind of scary and i get scared very easily so maybe i shouldn't see it, cause if it is scary i will not be able to be by myself upstairs for about 3 weeks

anyway, i will try to get some sleep now

peace

x

a letter

i saw this thing where you write a letter to your 16 year old self and i really wanted to do it but i'm not 16 so instead i'm doing one to myself 6 months ago, in August so here goes...

ruby,

right now your struggling, you just don't know it yet. already someone is worrying about you and the fact that your not eating. you think your fine but in one month you won't be allowed at school anymore and in 2 months time you will be in hospital.

you're excited about year 10, but you'll only be there for 2 weeks. stop this now before it gets too late and you can't. life is for living and having fun with your friends, not for having constant arguments with your dad about food, which will happen soon. life is not for being in hospital sitting for hours on end eating a meal and praying they'll just take it away if you take long enough. life is not for worrying about weight. if you carry on the way you're going, in 6 months time you will be having a rubbish time, worrying about extra snacks and target weights. you'll be worrying about periods coming back soon. not because you want kids, but because you want to stop putting on weight.

stop this now. please. because if you don't, who knows what the future will hold. your school work will suffer and in january you'll still be on work from september and you'll be having to drop 3 subjects so you can attempt to stay in year 10.

if you have to carry on the way you are going then don't do one thing. when you put on 0.4kg don't freak out and pour your fortisips down the drain because i can promise you now that you will regret doing that for the rest of your life.

good luck

peace

x

rubys new world

hello there, i'm ruby. i'm 15 and am new to this whole blog thing, but i thought hey this sounds fun. i think this will be good to write down stuff like if its worrying me or whatever. and all about my life, its no wonderland but oh well here goes...

i'm not at home all the time so i'll only be able to update every weekend, but hey ho, i don't think anyone will ever read this so i suppose it doesn't really mattter :/ to be perfectly honest i'm in hospital for most of the week for certain reasons, it means i'm not at school which i'm not complaining about because, to be perfectly honest, i don't like it. but i do like my friends and i miss them like crazy, they're pretty awesome people. i saw two of them today and we went shopping for an hour which was good. i hadn't seen them properly since october 22nd. it wasn't awkward at all, infact i had proper fun with them, i want to do it again now i think.

as you might be ale to tell, i like clocks... actually i like the time. i always need to know the time, i just hate it if i'm late for anything, i get really annoyed with myself if i am which usally leads to me being too early for things. however i was late for meeting my friends today which i was not happy about, but i suppose i could not prevent that as my dad was driving me and he decided when we left. i love music as well, i don't know what i would do without music, my favourite song
at the moment is crawl by chris brwon. the lyrics are amazing. i don't particulary like chris brown because of the whole rihanna thing but i do beleive that people should have second chances so long as someone is sorry and i think chris brown is sorry for what he did but thats just my opinion.

anyway i'll leave you with my favourite quote for the day

nothing is impossible, the word itself say i'm possible

peace

x